Whether a marriage can go to the end depends on this.
The following article comes from night listening, and the author cures your night listening.
Listen at night.
For love, meet a better self
Author | Transcendence
Source | Night Listening (ID:yetingfm)
Some people say, "Love is beautiful, but marriage is not easy."
Indeed, it is easier to fall in love than to get along.
Marriage is not easy, human fireworks, chicken and dog pieces, not only to withstand the blandness of daily necessities, but also to withstand the test of years.
If you want to live a happy life, you need the joint efforts and management of husband and wife.
Only by mastering the way of management can the marriage be stronger and more happy.
The more experience I have, the more I know that a good marriage is inseparable from this: the restraint of both partners.
Restrain excessive expectations
There is a saying in the book Intimacy:
"The road to hell is paved with expectations. Because expectations will block out loving feelings such as acceptance and freedom. "
In marriage, you expect too much from your partner. Once things don’t go your way, you will fall into the gap between "reality" and "expectation" and be troubled by disappointment, regret and chagrin.
There is a friend around me. Every time I meet her, I hear her complaining about her husband:
"Before I got married, I thought he was good everywhere, tall and handsome, and considerate to me. After getting married, I found that he was lazy and sloppy, with dirty clothes and socks scattered all over the house. Every day, he played games except brushing short videos, and never thought about helping me with housework.
I’m not motivated at all. I’ve been working for seven or eight years, and my salary is still 5 thousand yuan. Everyone else has changed cars and rooms, but he’s still the same. "
Writer Peterson said: "The art of marriage lies in not expecting the husband to be a god with a halo and the wife to be an angel flying. Don’t ask the other person to be perfect, but cultivate your own waywardness, patience and understanding. "
Expecting too much from your partner will often magnify the shortcomings of the other party and make you suffer. In the long run, marriage will inevitably have problems.
Instead of complaining that your partner didn’t give you the expected marriage, you should lower your expectations for marriage and treat your partner with a tolerant attitude.
There is a good saying:
"The core part of marriage is low expectations and high tolerance."
Another friend of mine always looks happy when he talks about marriage.
In fact, her husband works in other places and comes back once a month, which can’t help anything.
She has to take care of her two children, get up before dawn every day to prepare breakfast, then send them to school and then rush to work.
Someone asked her, "Aren’t you tired of doing it all by yourself?"
She smiled and said, "Tired, my husband is far away and can’t count on him. In fact, he is also very hard and busy at work."
Lowering the expectation of marriage is a magic weapon for a happy marriage.
In marriage, one lesson we must learn is to restrain our expectations of our partners.
When expectations are lowered, you will find that all encounters are gifts and life is full of surprises.
Restrain the desire to reform each other
Professor Dai Jianye once said:
"Never be ambitious about love and marriage. The bigger the ambition, the deeper the pain. The more you ask, the less you gain.
In the world of two people, you can set high standards for yourself, but you can’t be strict with your partner. "
He also talked about his relationship with his wife.
He comes from the countryside, and his wife is the son of a cadre family in the city. They have different living environments and life concepts since childhood.
He can’t stand his wife’s extravagance and picky, and she always criticizes his meanness and masculinity.
Both of them are adamant and want to transform each other according to their own standards, thinking that they can transform each other in their own way.
As a result, a leopard cannot change his spots. Instead of changing each other, it hurts his feelings.
Just after the honeymoon, my family was teetering with smoke.
Later, after reflection, the two began to learn to tolerate each other before they found the happiness of their marriage.
Husband and wife come from different families and have different habits, temperaments and hobbies. It is the most unrealistic and selfish idea to ask each other to change blindly.
Many marriages are "dead" in a suffocating desire for transformation.
Best-selling author Christopher Meng also talked about his own experience.
When he was young, he wanted to find a perfect woman.
After he met a good girl, he planned to make her better through transformation.
So, he asked the girl to read more books and cultivate her conversation; Let girls run to have a perfect figure; I also tried to change the girl’s personality and make her gentle and funny.
Finally, the girl not only didn’t become what he wanted, but let the relationship end in a quarrel.
Miyazaki Hayao said: "Love is not to build a perfect person, but to learn to appreciate that imperfect person with beautiful eyes."
As a saying goes: we can’t change the weather, but we can change our mood, we can’t change others, but we can change ourselves.
In marriage, instead of always thinking about changing each other, it is better to change your mentality and learn to understand and be considerate.
Don’t care too much about things outside the principle, and don’t be too obsessed.
When facing your partner, say less "what should you do" and more "what would I do".
Only in this way can marriage present a beautiful side.
After all, if you love someone, you should love what they are, not what you want.
Restrain the tone of reproach
Heard a word:
"Blame is the killer of intimacy."
I think so.
Many times, it is not the unbearable big problems such as infidelity and domestic violence that kill marriage, but the accusations that are easy to ignore.
A listener listened to a backstage message at night and said: After six years of marriage, he was suddenly completely disappointed with his marriage.
It turns out that her husband is busy at work and often works overtime or travels.
She takes care of the baby alone, buys food and cooks, picks up and drops off at school, and helps with homework.
Every time, her husband comes home and always blames him:
Did you do the cleaning? Why is there hair on the sink?
What’s the matter? How long have you left your clothes?
How to coach, the child’s ranking has dropped again!
There is really no common sense. I don’t even know that ribs should be thawed the night before. ……
There is no end to such blame.
The listener said that if it weren’t for the children, she would have divorced.
It’s really embarrassing. The trivia of life, because of criticism and picky, has become a straw to crush marriage.
As the old saying goes: "Kind words with others are warmer than cloth; Hurting people with words is deeper than spears. "
If husband and wife blame and complain blindly, marriage will inevitably fall apart over the years.
On the contrary, if you are considerate and relieved when you are in trouble and face it calmly, there is no hurdle to get through.
A self-media author shared a story.
When my friend Xinxin was shopping, she met a wealth management company doing publicity. She listened to the propaganda of the staff and took out 100,000 yuan from the savings of buying a house. She was full of expectations to get 20% of the proceeds in the next year.
After half a month, Yan Yan went out to do business. When she passed by, she was dismayed to find that the company had gone empty.
Xinxin realized that she had made a big disaster and called her husband in tears.
The husband didn’t say a word of blame, but just comforted her: "Never mind, we can earn again without money."
I have to say that Xinxin’s husband is a wise man. After all, it has happened, and no amount of blame will help.
A "never mind" not only gives his wife great comfort, but also enhances the feelings of husband and wife.
The most touching love words between husband and wife are not "I love you", but not blaming when something happens.
Not blaming things is an indispensable adhesive for a happy marriage, which can bring two hearts closer together.
"Paper Marriage" said:
"Deciding to marry a person only takes a moment of courage; Guarding a marriage requires a lifetime of hard work. "
There is no natural perfect marriage, only happiness managed by heart.
People who really love will restrain themselves.
Restrain excessive expectations and find the bright spot of the other party;
Restrain the desire to reform and accept each other’s imperfections;
Restrain the tone of reproach, and speak well on big and small issues.
In this way, marriage can stand the test of years and win the happiness of flowing water.
At the end of the article, I light up [watching]. I hope all my friends can master the secret of a happy marriage and live a beautiful and fruitful life for the rest of their lives.
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THE END
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Original title: "A marriage can go to the end, just look at this."